Good morning G.O. readers!
I actually started on this entry Monday morning, but never got beyond the title. Things got kind of hectic (as they sometime will on Mondays), and I didn’t get to come back to it. Then things got hectic again on Tuesday. So now it’s Wednesday, and here I am. Anyhoo, on Monday morning I was having trouble getting my mind settled, and thinking about how it feels like I’ve been going through a “dark night of the soul” kind of episode for the past few months.
It’s not that anything majorly bad has happened, it just feels as though everything in my life is out of whack, and has been for awhile now. It’s like my life is a shaken up snow globe at the moment; and when I feel that way, I typically feel very out of control, and want to do anything to get that control back. I start grabbing at things, desperately seeking to find something I can hold on to–wanting to grasp anything that can provide me with perceived stability or ground me and keep me from floating away. I can feel myself physically contracting and trying to shield myself against what feels like an onslaught from life.
I sometimes have a mental analogy of myself holding on to the edge of a cliff with bloody nails, fighting ever so hard to just not let go. And then I had the thought, what would happen if I just let myself fall? What if I let go of that cliff edge and just allowed myself to free fall? No grasping for something to slow me down or stop me, but just let the experience of falling simply happen. What would I find at the bottom? Could true freedom actually be contained in the process of falling or in making contact with the “bottom” of the things we fear?
“Falling” for me is difficult because there’s always the part of myself that may wonder what people will say or think if they see that I don’t have it all together. Will they judge me negatively? Then there’s simply the feeling of being out of control. What if I can’t rein things back in? What if I go crazy? Will my affairs fall apart if I let go for awhile? What if I let go of the picture I’ve chosen to paint of myself for the world and just let my guard down and be human–flaws and all? Can we sit in the discomfort and just be sad or disappointed that we’re in an emotional place that doesn’t feel so good at the moment? Can we just admit that something didn’t work out the way we’d hoped or be truly present with our unpleasant feelings or situations?
I think it can be okay that things don’t feel okay. This too shall pass. And maybe if we just learn to stop fighting against the current of life, we will discover there is true wisdom to be accessed just by the simple act of surrendering. Not giving up or choosing to not try to make things better, but simply exhaling and allowing ourselves to go with the flow of life–even when that flow leads us to a place we’d rather not be. I challenge you (and myself) to just let go. When you’re feeling overwhelmed and like things can never be right again, just let go. Trust that you will develop wings to fly or that you’ll find something at the bottom you need to succeed and proceed. **Word of caution: I’m not referring to finding what’s at the bottom by doing something stupid or dangerous.
Okay these were just more ramblings. I hope some of you can benefit from them. I’m working on practicing what I preach. Until next time,
Happy Falling to everyone!
Girl October