I know, I know already…
Where the heck have I been, you ask? I’ve been around. Looking for inspiration, I suppose. Feeling like I really didn’t have anything worthwhile to say. Not wanting to bore you, by just putting something out there just for the sake of putting it out there. And who’s to say that I won’t do what I did last year, and just post this one entry, disappearing into oblivion again?
I’ve learned to never say never, so no promises will be made either way; but in the words of a famous rapper, “don’t talk about it, be about it”. So I’ll simply let my actions speak for me. I want to at least make the same commitment I did to my Missy Show blog readers, to post at least twice a week–especially since the reason I cut back on some of my Missy Show activities was because I wanted to be more committed to getting this blog back up and running–and the website. But enough of the blah, blah, blah. I’m back. I’ve missed you. Now let’s get on with the subject of today’s blog post.
Pettiness…
We’ve all been there. Sometimes we’re the givers. Sometimes we’re the receivers. We’ve all had that person to piss us off and we want to hold a grudge, (this is the most common reason I get petty). We want to get them back. We wanna be petty. I’m not proud to say this, but at times, I can be pretty bad about this.
For me, it usually starts with someone hurting my feelings, or criticizing me in some way, I feel isn’t justified–or maybe it is justified, and I just don’t like the fact they’ve said something to me about it. No matter how my anger with the offending party originates, it can occasionally end in pettiness on my part. Now let me just say, that when I engage in such behavior, it’s usually because I genuinely feel that what was said or done to me was not justified or I’m especially feeling hurt. Ok, justification for bad behavior out of the way! Check!
Sometimes it’s because I perceive people to be hypocritical and holding me to some standard they don’t hold themselves to. Sometimes it’s because of a work rule or practice I don’t agree with. I’m not a big fan of grandstanding or doing things that don’t really make practical sense, just for the sake of puffing yourself up, which typically results in my rebelling against said behavior. Let’s just say, some major head-butting can ensue; but the question I always come to within myself is, does giving the silent treatment, acting cold with someone, or giving little zingers, really fixing the true issue at hand? In most cases, they’re not; however, I do believe there’s a cool off time needed when certain situations are too volatile; so immediate apologizing may not be optimal, (sometimes you and the other party need some space first). For me it’s a bit easier to do “I’m sorry’s” with family members and then move on, versus when it’s a co-worker or some other non-related person.
Now don’t get me wrong, pettiness can feel good–really good for a while. Getting someone back can feel awesome–as can plotting your revenge; but are those responses really solving anything, at all? If you’re unhappy in your work situation, is thinking about how you can get back at your “jerk” of a co-worker or boss, really going to help get you out of that situation? Wouldn’t your time be put to better use by focusing on potential solutions? If you want to stay on your job, what are the things that can be done on your end to improve things? What role, if any, do you play in things not going so smoothly?
If you don’t want to stay or feel you’re no longer a good fit, could you choose to place your focus on what you do want to do, instead of what you don’t like in your current situation? Think of the person you want to become. What would they think or do? If you have a dream of being a successful R & B singer, how would she, (your future R & B self), react to the negativity in your work environment? Would she waste time creating a voodoo doll of the boss, or get hard to work, pouring out her emotions into a song? Would she keep bitching to anyone who’ll listen, or would she start looking for local clubs she could perform in? Which use of energy sounds more productive?
How does your personal energy feel when you’re engaging in pettiness or animosity? Are you really hurting the other person without hurting yourself too? Even if the person or people you feel angry with are some rather prickly characters, can you still send them good energy, understanding that they may not purposely be trying to be buttholes, but might only be buttholes from your perspective? In their own internal worlds, their actions may make perfect sense to them. Something you may see as being extra complicated or unnecessary, may seem essential to them. Remember, we all exist in our own individual, subjective realities. And in those situations where someone really does seem to be “coming for you” for no reason, still no need for pettiness. How bout nipping that in the bud right then and there?
“You seem to have a problem with me, let’s solve it”! Through talking, people. No fists. You might just find that this person isn’t someone who matters to you anyway. If it’s not someone you care about or a co-worker you just have to deal with, then just leave that person where they are. Once again, pettiness not needed.
And of course there are other reasons to be petty besides someone making you angry. Pettiness can arise out of jealousy and insecurity too, or a chronic need to be right, (which is still just a form of insecurity). The same rules above still apply. Do you like the way pettiness makes you feel? Does it keep you in a state of small-mindedness or allow you to expand into your greatness? Remember to focus on who you’d like to grow into. How would the super-secure version of yourself handle things? Maybe he’d make a fantastic meal, read a great book, or enroll in a workshop he’s interested in, instead of wasting time being jealous, (more on that in our next post). Hey, it’s just something to think about.
I hope this post has helped some. I think I mainly wrote it for me, since I’ve been feeling a bit petty the past couple of days; and I must admit, getting my thoughts out on paper has helped a lot; but understand that getting un-petty is a journey. It takes practice. Some days you’ll do okay. Some days, not so much…But keep going. You’ll get there.
Stay tuned. I’ll hit you guys back on Saturday or Sunday. Website coming super soon.
Peace out…..
Girl October
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